I knew when I looked down at my phone and saw my midwife calling me that something is was up...with just a few weeks to go in my pregnancy, Kay informed me that she had been let go and lost her privileges at the hospital where we planned on birthing Sparkles.
This was crushing news for me. My birth with Owen, as perfect and healthy as he was, was very, very hard and long and I know with 100% certainty that I would have had a Cesarean Section if it was not for my awesome birthing team.
(Owen's birth story is listed in this blog, just scroll down).
As a pregnant lady about to deliver, I was kinda devastated. But as a friend and therapist, I could tell that Kay was pretty bummed and in my effort to comfort her a bit, I think I ended up comforting myself, as well.
The truth is, in my experience, things have a tendency of working out perfectly. That is, if you allow, let go and stay open. The couple of times that I have found the rug pulled out from under me at work, for instance, it always ended up being truly a blessing in disguise. I'm even thankful now for the fax that I received from the owner of my company one Friday that said we would be closed on Monday.
Sometimes, unless the Universe intercedes, we convince ourselves that we are content in our less than perfect situation. Until our hands are forced to find a different solution, often turning out to be a much better one, we linger. Devastations are rarely so, for long. I think Wayne Dyer says, "no storm lasts forever."
Obviously, I am speaking to Kay's situation. She had eluded to the fact that she was pushing buttons and getting push back from hospital staff in the past. And I had noticed that not one nurse or practitioner was the same in her practice from 3 months ago. But I really didn't think it would come to this.
But who am I to say that all of this rhetoric was only for Kay? Perhaps, my delivering there wasn't going to be as wonderful as it was the first time. Or, I am supposed to have a new experience with someone else. Unexpected, abrupt change can be a message or a sign and I'm listening...
I didn't think it was any of my business what exactly preempted the firing, so I didn't ask. Over the course of a few phone calls, she later told me that she had delivered a perfectly healthy baby, no meconium, no need for NICU, no distress whatsoever and the staff took the baby from the mommy to be scrubbed and weighed right away without allowing any bonding time with mommy. Kay threw a fit and they revoked her privileges at the hospital.
It sounded like a last straw type of thing. Kay told me, "I'm in a medical setting. They think my patients have a medical problem that needs to be solved and I think that my patients have a natural process going on that needs to be supported. I'm the thorn in their side and they're the thorn in mine."
It might not have been such a drag if I had any good feelings toward Kay's backup midwife. Like I mentioned in my last blog, she comes across as a bit anxious and not as into listening as she is talking.
I spent the first 5 minutes of our first appointment together convincing her that I wasn't some other woman that she had me confused with...I'm still not sure she believed me. I just kept wondering how she could argue with me that I'm the lady that has decided against a VBAC when I've never even had a Cesarean.
Anyway, my mind instantly went elsewhere. One thing I know for sure, it's very important to have a bunch a good, female spirits surround you while you birth.
Since I'm 37 weeks along, no one will really take you as a transfer. That being said, Kay mentioned a few options for me. If I opted to deliver with Janet, the lady that covers her, she would be willing to come to the birth and be a co-doula with my doula free of charge (what a sweetheart).
I could also try out Margaret, the other infamous midwife here in Atlanta known for supporting natural childbirth and has tubs at her hospital for birthing. Kay said that she would take me as a favor to her. Unfortunately, tragedy has recently struck Margaret. Turns out, she fell down the stairs outside of her home and her husband went into the house to get the car keys to drive her to the hospital. When he never returned, she crawled up the stairs and into her house with a broken ankle to find her husband dead. Just horrible.
So, since Margaret is not delivering anyone anytime soon, that would mean that I would be dealing with her back up midwives, whom Kay and my doula, Alice are certain that I would like but I barely have time to meet.
The other obvious option is to jump on the home birth train. This idea alone was enough to send Andrew into a panic and he's the most laid back guy I know...
We were feeling pretty good about going to a hospital that is 15 minutes away with a practice that supports natural childbirth and has experienced midwives that Kay feels confident about...so, I made an appointment with them. They agreed to see me on Monday.
My girlfriend, Brittany, was scheduled to deliver with Kay, as well. At 32 weeks, she has many more options than me, but still very upset about the news as she attributes her first great birthing experience to Kay and the hospital staff, as well.
I tell Brittany about my plan and she proceeds to tell me about her buddy that has worked at Labor and Delivery at this intown hospital for years and all of the complaints and misery about it. Like the staff makes fun of women who want to labor naturally, and the postpartum rooms are small and daddy has to sleep in a chair, etc., etc., etc.
Ugh.
So, since hospital where Janet is covering Kay's patients was like staying in a hotel, and the only reason I really want to deliver in a hospital in the first place (besides avoiding giving my husband a heart attack), is to enjoy the postpartum care, I have decided to keep my appointment with "Kay" today and see how it goes with Janet.
Maybe she'll be incredibly impressive, appropriate and wonderful today.
Remember the "allowing" and "being open" thing I was talking about earlier?? Just trying to channel that.
It seems that, according to my doula and my HypnoBirthing coach, the staff at both hospitals are "comparable" with respect to supporting natural childbirth.
So, as counterintuitive as a "wait and see" attitude is for me, I don't have a choice.
I'm open. I'm letting go. I'm unattached. I'm asking God for guidance and the reality of it all is that this will all be a distant memory in about 3 weeks.
I do know that I want Kay at my birth. I'm sure of it. I sent her a text yesterday that said that it would mean the world to me and that I would be happy to pay her. She wrote back, "Wouldn't do it for bucks. But I would love to be there. The kind of energy and passion you bring to the process is what maintains my love of midwifery."
I feel so profoundly touched that I haven't been able to respond. I know that I'm a pretty lucky pregnant lady in the grand scheme of things.
So, with my mom on vacation, my doula at an out of town conference and my prenatal care up in the air, Sparkles and I are on our own for a few days until we get our team together.
Prayers, love, light and faith, it will all work out because, it always does.
Right?
Right,
Cheri
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