Today, as I was simultaneously drying my hair, applying mascara and whitening my teeth, I began to reflect on my old life. There's no way I could have done in one day all that I have already done today; it’s only 11:37am!
Oh, Cheri...Remember Lifetime movie marathons? Or, projects involving cool design ideas? How about taking a long time to pick out lip gloss at the drugstore? What about trying out a recipe from a magazine? Remember magazines???
I don’t.
Sparkles fell asleep at about 9:40am (Owen is at "school"). Her morning nap isn’t even over (I know, I got another rock star sleeper) and I have picked up the house, emptied the dishwasher, had my own breakfast (of course, only after I’ve fed everyone else), done a load of laundry, checked my email, made a work call, completed a vigorous, though short yoga practice, took a shower (and washed my hair!), got dressed and ready (with makeup!) and, although this essay was not complete, I have managed to get down a nice working, shitty, rough draft of mommy thoughts.
I'm officially a super woman!
The truth is, I don’t have a choice. Violet’s schedule runs the show now...I declare myself officially in what I call the "Two Nap Trap."
Yesterday, I tried to ignore little Sparkles’ need for a long morning snooze in her
crib. I mustered up some false confidence that she could swing a nap on the go because, dammit we needed milk already, people! I mean, let's face it, as far as I know, “Drive Thru Land” does not exist, and how the hell do you run errands with two kids???
You don't. You run one errand that always starts off so smoothly you secretly wish your friends would bump into you. Unfortunately, it always ends with both kids screaming so loudly and behaving so poorly, you just know that someone is just dying to get home and write and submit pictures to Parents Magazine about running into one of the those mothers. The ride home is colored with 95 loud and vigorous encores of “I’m A Little Teacup” in an effort to keep your kid awake because God forbid one should fall asleep in the car for five minutes leaving all of your efforts for a full blown two hour nap therefore rendered useless. Finally home and exhausted, one always goes down so easy just to mess with you because the other one uses up an hour of your precious, and rare, “holy crap, both kids are asleep!” alone time fighting sleep tooth and nail because they’re super overtired having “missed a window.” Top it off with a little cursing and resentment toward your unwitting husband because he can get a haircut whenever he damn well pleases and, well, your whole day just feels lovely.
That's why I've really been enjoying contemplating what it would actually take to open a “mama business” where nobody has to get out of the car but every need is still met. I mean every thing...diapers, formula, Desitin, pacifiers, sippys, even clothes, definitely wine, all kinds of groceries, and how about even tires???
Everything, ladies!
I picture it like a big car wash situation...you pull in and let’s say, you know, because it’s still in the works and all ideas are currently open for discussion, that a hot guy with no shirt on vacuums out your SUV and another one collects all the the items you want while laughing at all of your jokes and even listening to a cute little story about how smart your toddler is...
Okay, okay...too much.
So, let’s just say that you drive up to a big, gigantic vending machine that you can easily work from your driver’s seat, but instead of Kit Kats, huge gallons of organic milk, Leap Frog DVDs, Diapers and Pacifiers fall right into your hands without ever having touched a car seatbelt.
Yessssss.
How do you think "Go, Mama, Go!" sounds for a name? Or “Just Paci Thru?” I’m up for suggestions...just livin’ the minivan dream.
But, I digress. Violet is much like her mother. I have never fallen asleep in a moving car (except for the few times that I took a little something to make me) and I used to travel with a band that, depending on where we were on the bill, got done with our set around 2am, packed up by 4am and had to be in the next state for a gig the next day... and I did that for 12 years.
In short, we all paid for my actions. Violet was up all night and now I know for sure, I am trapped here...for about another year.
A YEAR.
But, it all goes by so fast.
Well, not for me, mister.
When people say, "I can't believe it's already Thanksgiving!" I can. And at my 20 year reunion, when everyone asked, "can you believe it's been 20 years???" No, I couldn't. Seemed much like 40 years to me.
I fail to have this common sense of time warp in my life for some reason. My husband thinks that it's because I live in the moment, I’m not so sure...
People assure me that it will come when my kids are grown. They insist that it all goes by so fast. I swear that I am open and appreciative of that possibility but for right now, I can't believe that Owen isn't driving and applying for college yet.
So, stayed tuned and visit often as next week I will begin tackling such puzzling questions such as, "Why is brushing a toddler's teeth so unrewarding?" And, "Why do I feel so smug, like I'm a gourmet cook after making simple baby food?" As well as, "Why do I only get the Cat in the Hat after a glass of wine???"
