About 5 Weeks to Go...

These days, I'm not bending over for anything but money and keys. And, I mean cash money. I can make a call about credit card, you know what I'm sayin'?

Sparkles is getting there...that's for sure.

My midwife was out of town last week so when I went in for my appointment, the midwife covering for her was all over my big belly. She doesn't know that I just grow big babies, so she measured me, tried to alarm me (which almost worked), and ordered an ultrasound that ended up not meaning a damn thing. Again, why does fear have to be pushed onto every pregnant woman in America???

I am quite large...it's impressive. If anything, I am just in awe of what my body can do without me even thinking about it. I don't have to think about little Sparkles' eyelashes or tonsils, they'll just be there when she's born.

This is a great argument to just keep my brain out of the birthing process...what do I know about birthing a baby? Nothing, but I presume that since my body can build a little perfect person and my baby knows just where to be and how to birth that if I can keep my brain out of it, it will all go perfectly well. Just like it has for the billions of other births that have occurred before Sparkles' birthing day.

Anyway, I am measuring (and so is Sparkles) about 3 1/2 weeks ahead of my due date. This doesn't necessarily mean that Sparkles will be early (but I did pack my bag and grab the car seat this week, just to be safe), but that she will just be big.

Big. Big deal. I already birthed a big baby.

But you should see me! I'm beyond enormous. Not kidding. When I left the midwife's office, the staff was placing bets on how big my baby would be....winner gets a free lunch. No shit.

One girl even guessed 10 lbs., 9 0z. Yikes. If these girls are impressed, then that's saying something. They see girls walk in and out of that office in varying sizes all day long, year after year.

But I'm not afraid. I refuse to be.

I'm far too excited to meet Sparkles.

Sparkles is LOW. Sometimes, I swear that I can feel her little fingers right by my la la. When I wake up in the morning, the insides of my thighs feel like I've been biking all night long. Plus, there is an enormous amount of pressure that I never had with Owen. Let's just say that you know your pregnancy has reached an all time low when you spend 50 bucks on a vulvar support belt.

Yikes.

So, I'll give you an idea of what I'm dealing with and why no one on God's green Earth can come within 20 feet of me without mentioning my huge baby. I'll shoot a picture later and post it. My neighbor that is due a couple weeks earlier than me is coming over for a belly photo shoot.

At least I don't have to hold my stomach in, right?

Right,

Cheri

The BIG-Mester

I'm no Heidi Klum. You know, six feet tall, with a little bump, glittery clothes and high heels to boot. Oh, no. That's nothing like me...I'm that BIG pregnant lady.

(This is a picture of me 7 weeks before delivering Owen and yes, I'm eating pickles)

It's not just me that thinks so...Believe me, I know that every pregnant woman, even the angels that only gain 15 pounds, feel enormous. It's just a fact. I AM BIG. It's not a feeling or a delusion.

I'm just. Really. BIG.

My real friends don't deny it...they relish it. "You're Huge!" But then they lovingly back it up with, "You're ALL baby, girl!" or, "It's just your belly that's big." Or, my favorite, "You look so cute."

I think all women appreciate that last comment, because you gotta really work at feeling "cute" when you're pregnant. AND, "cute" implies small.

Strangers aren't always as kind.

Let me put it this way, when I was 13 weeks with this baby, I was in maternity clothes with perfect strangers asking me when I was due. A lot of you are thinking, "Oh, that's just the second baby!" With the first, I was in maternity at 15 weeks. No kidding.

The bonus, I guess, is that no one wonders if I'm pregnant or just putting on a couple of pounds. From the get-go I am 100% pregnant.

I've heard people comment that you shouldn't ever inquire about a pregnancy unless that woman is actually in labor, just to avoid the horror if you turn out to be wrong. This just doesn't apply to me. People can barely contain themselves around me...I watch their faces and they're a lot like Owen. I watch him holding a train that he knows he shouldn't throw, but after a few seconds, he just can't resist the temptation...even though it's wrong, the next thing you know the choo-choo is sailing through the dining room.

I do understand, I mean, I'm so big and always looking like I've passed my due date, so no one can resist commenting on my (let's see, what did that woman call me the other day?) fecund belly. Since 20 weeks, I've looked like I was about to deliver. Can I blame them?

What I don't appreciate is the multiple birth comments. Especially since they always seem to assume that I am unaware and their expertise is simply based on my size. "You sure there aren't twins in there?" And then, they always laugh. Like this is so damn funny. Just because I'm pregnant, doesn't give you the right to comment on my enormity. It still hurts us women. It's not ok to be big according to us, anytime, even when we are "fecund."

When I was pregnant the first time, OctoMom was in the news. This prompted a lot of awful comments...ugh. I started my quest then to save my fellow pregnant sisters. I would say, "no, it's not twins, and don't say that. It's mean."

Since, on the days that I leave the house, I have numerous opportunities to deal with pregnancy inquiries, and the inevitable gasping that goes along with them, I've decided on riding along with their shock. It's most comfortable for me and them. I don't have to lie, and I can validate their dumbfounded looks and comments and skate away feeling pretty intact and ok.

So, just here at the coffee shop, (that's excluding the 3 or 4 comments and inquiries I got this morning dropping Owen off at "school"), there was the girl in the parking lot, the man in line for coffee, the three women across from me, the girl sitting next to me and the woman who walked up to me and gave me a chocolate for "the baby." They have all made a comment or asked a question about my pregnancy.

So, basically, if you get anywhere near me, it's an unavoidable topic.

Don't get me wrong, not all of these comments are rude, but ALL involve my looking ready to "pop," as many women say.

But, I'm only 31 weeks.

So, the most common comment, besides the dreaded multiple birth comment, is something like, "you look like you don't have much further to go." I'm cool with that, but it always leaves me in a lurch. What sounds sooner? 9 Weeks? Two months? Certainly, not, "April." That answer always results in gasping.

So, I've decided on going with it...I give them a look like, "you're not going to believe this," and I say, "I have 9 weeks to go." They're eyes widen and they wait...so, I say one of many things...maybe I egg them on a bit..."This baby is actually a little smaller than my last" Or, "my last baby was 9 lbs." Or, "I'm short (only 5'1"), so there's really no where for a big baby to hide out."

All of which, is 100% true.

A lot of my girls say to just go with it...."just say, 'yes' when they ask if it's twins." Or, "lie about your due date." Or, my favorite, "deny the pregnancy, tell them that you don't know what their talking about and they'll feel bad for asking."

The fact is, I just could never do all of that. It's just not my style. In fact, I'm probably one of the few girls that you know that want everyone to touch my belly. I mean, while I'm pregnant, that is...

I think that people want to reach out to your baby because it's a little piece of perfection, God and mystery that people secretly long to feel connected to...the girl sitting next to me at this coffee shop just got done feeling little Sparkles rearranging furniture in my belly. Why not? She loved it, it's no skin off my back and Sparkles got a little encouragement and love from a stranger.

It's very different, being this big after a lifetime of being a small person. It even took me a while to realize that I was small. I guess my "big" personality always trumped my small stature. Then, I would see myself in pictures and think, "I'm shorter than everyone there." Or, I'd catch my reflection in the mirror at yoga and think, "Could my head be any smaller?"

So, I'm going with it. I'm smiling about the 3-4 inches of belly that already hang out under my maternity shirt. I wear all of the maternity clothes that star my big belly and I take advantage of parking spots and help at the grocery store. It's about to be over...so, how can I make it wonderful?

Because, big or small, it is quite wonderful.

Feel free to rub my belly...

La,

Cheri

What do you want, Mommy?

Before I had Owen, I didn't know a thing about birthing a baby. Why would I?

My only first hand, birthing experience came from attending my sister's birth. After getting an epidural, I went in her room to see how she was doing. She looked very scared and said, "I don't have any feeling in my legs." I replied, in my most comforting and calm voice, "I think that's normal." She looked at me, terrified, and yelled, "IT'S NOT NORMAL!"

Why is birthing seen as more scary than an epidural??

For me, an epidural is absolutely terrifying.

Things just don't seem to go awry in nature as often as they do in the medical intervention world. I may have this conception because I worked in the emergency room for years (I was psych), surrounded by doctors and surgeons and everything medical.

Don't get me wrong, if my labor or delivery turns into a medical event, I want a doc there, for sure. But, I'm more like a cat in labor. Let me find go off to my quiet corner where I can move, walk, moan, purr, meow, or whatever it is that I need to do in order to birth my baby.

I guess I just trust God more than I do doctors.

When I was pregnant with my first, and interviewing midwives, the one that I ended up hiring (because another concept that people seem to forget is that we hire them), said to me, "you're not sick, you're just pregnant."

This really stuck with me. Why make it a medical event if it doesn't have to be???

That's why I chose a midwife. However you look at it, Obstetricians are surgeons. I don't want a surgeon at my birth unless I absolutely need one.

I'm not telling anyone how to have their birth. I think that if you want an elective C-Section and you have the resources to get one, go for it! I just believe that all women should have the opportunity to experience the birth that they want. It just seems that in hospitals, fear, protocols and interventions flub up that plan for a lot of women, quite a bit.

What? Oh, yes, I am having this baby in a hospital, just like I did the first time. So, why aren't I having a home birth, you ask?

That's simple: Postpartum Care.

After Owen was born, I had missed out on a few days of sleep and they took him to the nursery at night and only brought him to me when he need to be nursed. They changed my sheets whenever I asked, brought me orange juice and told me that I was doing things right. They brought in a lactation expert to validate me and a pediatrician to look at my newborn. Those women actually nursed me...and I loved every minute of it.

I didn't have to mess up my own home or watch someone else empty my dishwasher thinking that I should be doing that. I went home to a spic and span situation as my husband had my maid come while we were at the hospital.

Andrew and I joke that if our kick ass birthing team would just come to the Four Seasons for the delivery, we'd be just as comfortable there...and with better food.

I'm also looking forward to the hospital postpartum situation with this new baby. My family will bring Owen to meet her and then take him home...away from us. This way, we can hang out and bond, just the two of us, for those precious first couple of days.

So, I have to admit, my reasons for choosing unmedicated births as well as my decision to have my babies in a hospital may not be typical.

But that's my point. It just matters what the mommy wants. If you're open and can manage to release your fear, that opportunity has a chance.

There is so much that we don't have control over...situations arise and detours are everywhere. Why not take control in the few situations we actually have some?

I haven't done a clinical study or anything. But, in my experience, women that think that they will have complicated pregnancies and deliveries, do. As a therapist, this makes perfect sense to me. Simply put: You bring about what you think about.

While mothers all around the world birth their babies in a field, throw them in a sling and lug them home and cats have litter after litter with no trouble at all, we have to wonder if the only thing that gets in our way of our bodies birthing normally, is our brain's interference.

This happens a lot in various places in our lives...not just regarding having our babies.

My birth didn't go perfectly. The pieces of my birth plan that I "knew" would work out well, strangely, did. I am looking at this next birthing opportunity to heal up those parts that didn't go exactly how I planned and to really, "let go and let God."

Wishing you the birth that you want...

La,

Cheri

P.S. If you are having trouble releasing fear, as a therapist and a mommy, I recommend, HypoBirthing: The Mongan Method A Natural Approach to a safe, easier, more comfortable birthing