I find it amusing that whenever someone is pregnant on TV, especially soaps (yeah, I'm guilty!), that the first indication is a fainting spell.
I've never fainted while pregnant, nor do I know anyone that has...have you?
It seems kind of rare to me...
I guess it just isn't beautiful enough for soap stars to be puking their guts out or feeling their boobies for tenderness on the set.
And don't the writers know that clumsiness comes at the end of your pregnancy, and not the beginning? Falling down the stairs, slipping on the ice...these on-screen pregnant ladies can be quite annoying.
It's bad enough that they look disgustingly perfect while pregnant. If they really wanted to make it real, they'd put them in some sort of pregnancy suit with swollen ankles, puffy faces and all. Instead, everyone is all Heidi Klumed out with skinny little arms, high heels and just the bump. Yeah, right...
This is just more pressure for us to try to look beautiful in the un-pregnant way, while pregnant. That's a lot to ask. I mean, I have just decided to believe my lying husband that stretch marks, a big pot belly and skin tags are sexy.
The only time I feel like a sexy soap star is while I'm drying my hair. I'm currently savoring my luxurious pregnancy hair knowing that it's temporary. So, it's been three days since I washed it? Who cares? It still cascades down my neck beautifully and bounces around all shiny like a shampoo commercial.
These memories comfort me while handfuls of hair fall out during my postpartum showers. I remember thinking, "Oh, I still have my luxurious pregnancy hair, the rumors about hair falling out are false! It's not happening to me!" But it just took a few months longer for my body to realize I wasn't carrying a luxurious hair maker anymore.
To help rescue any remote sense of sexiness during this pregnancy, and probably because of a lifetime filled with exposure to sexy pregnant ladies on TV, I decided to get a bikini wax. When I called the spa and mentioned that I was pregnant, the lady said, "we're ok with it, if you are." What does that mean? "Well, it can be a bit painful for pregnant women." Oh, that's nice. So, something that is already deemed as a miserable experience is worse for a pregnant lady? Why? "It's a bit more sensitive in that area, there's more blood and nerve endings there during pregnancy." Sweet.
When can I come in?
I'd been trying to take care of business on my own. But as Sparkles got bigger, I found myself blindly applying Coochie Cream and shaving in a haphazard way not even knowing how poorly I'd done until I'm out of shower staring at my new lopsided hairdo in the mirror. I didn't even attempt scissors.
My husband had already proved himself to be useless in helping out with this problem during my last pregnancy. As he kneeled down in front me in the shower, staring at my cash and prizes more seriously than I'd ever seen him, with a pink Daisy razor in his hand, I figured I should spare him the stress.
Yes. It was much more "uncomfortable" than the un-pregnant bikini wax. Not being able to lay on your side was quite a drag too. There was also the added pressure of not complaining the whole time because frankly, you have to actually birth a baby in a couple of months which makes you feel like a weakling during a measly bikini wax.
But, I do look pretty!
Now, I can't exactly see it unless I'm standing in front of mirror. But, I know it's there. It's kind of like wearing sexy underwear. I mean, I think so. I haven't seen sexy panties in quite a while...
La,
Cheri
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