Before I had Owen, I didn't know a thing about birthing a baby. Why would I?
My only first hand, birthing experience came from attending my sister's birth. After getting an epidural, I went in her room to see how she was doing. She looked very scared and said, "I don't have any feeling in my legs." I replied, in my most comforting and calm voice, "I think that's normal." She looked at me, terrified, and yelled, "IT'S NOT NORMAL!"
Why is birthing seen as more scary than an epidural??
For me, an epidural is absolutely terrifying.
Things just don't seem to go awry in nature as often as they do in the medical intervention world. I may have this conception because I worked in the emergency room for years (I was psych), surrounded by doctors and surgeons and everything medical.
Don't get me wrong, if my labor or delivery turns into a medical event, I want a doc there, for sure. But, I'm more like a cat in labor. Let me find go off to my quiet corner where I can move, walk, moan, purr, meow, or whatever it is that I need to do in order to birth my baby.
I guess I just trust God more than I do doctors.
When I was pregnant with my first, and interviewing midwives, the one that I ended up hiring (because another concept that people seem to forget is that we hire them), said to me, "you're not sick, you're just pregnant."
This really stuck with me. Why make it a medical event if it doesn't have to be???
That's why I chose a midwife. However you look at it, Obstetricians are surgeons. I don't want a surgeon at my birth unless I absolutely need one.
I'm not telling anyone how to have their birth. I think that if you want an elective C-Section and you have the resources to get one, go for it! I just believe that all women should have the opportunity to experience the birth that they want. It just seems that in hospitals, fear, protocols and interventions flub up that plan for a lot of women, quite a bit.
What? Oh, yes, I am having this baby in a hospital, just like I did the first time. So, why aren't I having a home birth, you ask?
That's simple: Postpartum Care.
After Owen was born, I had missed out on a few days of sleep and they took him to the nursery at night and only brought him to me when he need to be nursed. They changed my sheets whenever I asked, brought me orange juice and told me that I was doing things right. They brought in a lactation expert to validate me and a pediatrician to look at my newborn. Those women actually nursed me...and I loved every minute of it.
I didn't have to mess up my own home or watch someone else empty my dishwasher thinking that I should be doing that. I went home to a spic and span situation as my husband had my maid come while we were at the hospital.
Andrew and I joke that if our kick ass birthing team would just come to the Four Seasons for the delivery, we'd be just as comfortable there...and with better food.
I'm also looking forward to the hospital postpartum situation with this new baby. My family will bring Owen to meet her and then take him home...away from us. This way, we can hang out and bond, just the two of us, for those precious first couple of days.
So, I have to admit, my reasons for choosing unmedicated births as well as my decision to have my babies in a hospital may not be typical.
But that's my point. It just matters what the mommy wants. If you're open and can manage to release your fear, that opportunity has a chance.
There is so much that we don't have control over...situations arise and detours are everywhere. Why not take control in the few situations we actually have some?
I haven't done a clinical study or anything. But, in my experience, women that think that they will have complicated pregnancies and deliveries, do. As a therapist, this makes perfect sense to me. Simply put: You bring about what you think about.
While mothers all around the world birth their babies in a field, throw them in a sling and lug them home and cats have litter after litter with no trouble at all, we have to wonder if the only thing that gets in our way of our bodies birthing normally, is our brain's interference.
This happens a lot in various places in our lives...not just regarding having our babies.
My birth didn't go perfectly. The pieces of my birth plan that I "knew" would work out well, strangely, did. I am looking at this next birthing opportunity to heal up those parts that didn't go exactly how I planned and to really, "let go and let God."
Wishing you the birth that you want...
La,
Cheri
P.S. If you are having trouble releasing fear, as a therapist and a mommy, I recommend, HypoBirthing: The Mongan Method A Natural Approach to a safe, easier, more comfortable birthing
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