Surviving Vs. Enrichment: What's the Difference? Will I Even Remember This???

Yesterday was my quarterly magazine reading event where I get about 4-6 minutes to actually read a magazine. Sadly, it was Parents magazine.

Why am I reading about it, and talking about it when I'm finally away from it? Who knows???

Anyway, this article addressed the advantages and disadvantages of various age differences between siblings. Mine are 20 months apart and something in this article's title implied that this was simply no good. Intrigued, and knowing that I had earned my magazine reading time (and next time it will be Real Simple or a clothing catalog, I swear!), I read it.

There was lots of this and that that could be argued either way. I didn't particularly like the part about siblings that are 2 years apart or less do worse in school. I was about to poo poo the whole thing when I read the bold print that ran along side the article in the attempt to get the reader to read on...it worked. I don't even have to go find it. I know exactly what it said.

"Households that have children less than two years apart are more focused on survival rather than enrichment."

I used up the remainder 10 seconds of my magazine reading time, pondering this (knowing full well that I was simultaneously eating up my twice yearly pondering time), when I noticed a single hair attached to my leg (believe me, I checked) that was about an inch and a half long.

Was "survival" the right word???

I was perplexed. It felt so good to be validated by Random Writer at Parent's Magazine who is probably just a contract worker in grad school who has a hot date tonight and the most she knows about kids is everything according to her because she has nieces and nephews (I hate this overused comment. "No. I don't have kids, but I have nieces and nephews." Ridiculous, I can't believe I said that!). I was validated nonetheless. But kinda pissed, too.

It's kind of like when a particular family member that I have in mind (it's not you, Mom), says, "Have you heard Owen say all of the letters and the sounds they make???" Um, yes. Who do you think sits and works on that with him all day? The alphabet fairy? I'm at home six days a week, remember? Again, I'm validated, but kinda pissed.

Violet is about to be 1. ONE. When Owen turned 1, he was about 100 years old. Violet is only 1. She seems to be too much of a baby to be 1. Too young to be 1.

Although I don't have the passing of time going too quickly phenomena (I think I covered this in a previous entry), I do have my past to compare my present with and I'm a little nervous that I won't remember a damn thing.

Is it because I'm simply "surviving?"

When I was in grad school, I was miserable. I picked the wrong program, the wrong school, the wrong everything (though I did just love my little, quaint bungalow and I did meet my best friend there...everything has a way of working out, doesn't it?). I complained to my mom every single day and she would say, "Cheri! It's only two years! Just get through it, it's such a small amount of time in the grand scheme of things."

I admit, I wasn't exactly sober in grad school (and I won't even get into my undergraduate experience - talk about not remembering anything!), but she was right. I barely remember it. I was just...surviving.

I'm hoping that this experience is forgotten because it wasn't any fun. I mean, how could I forget the last two years?? Or the next two years??? Could I block out both my kids babydom because it's simply not that long in the grand scheme of things???

Will I forget how Violet always sucks in her lower lip? Or how Owen always says, "Ban-bade" for Band-Aid??

I anticipate this problem because when I was pregnant, I was worried about forgetting what it was like to be pregnant. I look at Violet now and I can't remember what she was like as a baby and she is a baby.

I think this is why I record everything.

Maybe I don't write here much, but, I got a lot going on...

I have blogs for both of the kids:

www.owenflake.com

www.violetflake.com

I have a blog for my work:

www.thestresstherapist.blogspot.com

I have a video blog for work:

www.youtube.com/thestresstherapist

I have a Mommy journal that I write one sentence in every night (I highly recommend this).

I have fashioned my own baby book by writing baby memories as my Facebook updates, pulling them up on my phone and taking a screen picture, so I'll always have it.

I have a quotable kid weekly journal where I write the funny things that Owen says.

and

I have this blog.

I am also writing a book on how to fit all you want into your life.

I don't want to forget this. I don't want to just survive.

I have a friend who doesn't want kids and he asked me once, "why do you have kids?"

I've been using my pondering time for almost 3 years trying to answer this question and here is the best I can come up with...

Just for the pure joy of it.

I'd like to forget the incessant meals, cleaning the kitchen 20 times a day, the crying, the interrupted sweet dreams, the poop, and the damn carseats.

But the joy...I need to remember it.

It's what keeps me going.

It's how I survive.

Cheri

PS If you are a mommy that remembers, doesn't remember, wants to remember, or wants to forget, please comment. I really want to hear from you.